Life amuses me.
Just when I think I have a portion of it figured out… it changes. I don’t know about you… but it makes me a little more apprehensive about trying to figure it out.
See, I think I am a pretty strong, independent, self sufficient woman – most of the time. But when it comes to revealing a part of my more personal side… well… I run away. It may mean just changing the subject… but you don’t know how many times my feet have truly been ready to hit the pavement when I am in an awkward situation! Any time the focus is on me, it is an awkward situation. That is why I am struggling lately… a local magazine is going to do an article on part of my artwork. I am nervous. I am scared. I am so insecure!
I believe most people have some level of insecurity. Some don’t show theirs at all, and yet some have it written all over them most of the time! I can hide mine pretty well. It is peculiar… this life of ours. I have been given the most incredible gift that by all rights should do away with every one of my silly insecurities. No, not artistic ability. Although I am grateful for that gift. No, this is a gift that rates higher on the gift pole than anything I’ve ever gotten in my whole life! A gift that is a 100 on a scale of 1-10. And yet… I often forget that I have it.
What is it you ask?
Well, I’ve been given a pure white, clean and sinless heart… if I want it! I took it years ago… actually, I’ve taken it many times… because I keep screwing up the nice, clean, beautiful heart. I make it all dirty and gross with all of my bad choices and rotten thoughts. But all I have to do is go to the one and only source of new hearts! Jesus. He will gladly hand me a new one! Every time I screw up, He is standing close by with loving arms and a smile on His face – waiting for me! See… the thought that He waits for me, or even knows who I am is amazing to me!
I just have to go to Him. He can’t give it to me without my accepting it. It’s like someone handing you a big beautiful present all wrapped up nice and frilly! But if you don’t take the gift into your hands… it is yours… but you won’t get to enjoy it unless you take it! His death on the cross was the gift, but I must reach out for it to experience the joy of His grace on me.
So, you see… I have no reason to be so insecure. I am sinless in the eyes of the Heavenly Father, so what do I have to fear? Really. What do I have to fear from anything down here? Do I really have to worry about what others think? Do I have to worry about them deciding if I am good enough or not?
Awwe, I know. Me too. Yep… I still fall into that pit. Often. I can’t seem to get away from the worldly views of my life. I will keep trying to battle that. I want to worry more about what my Heavenly Father thinks about me than what a bunch of folks I don’t even know think!
Yep, it’s interesting… this life.
Amusing some days.
Absolutely frustrating on others.
Today is an amusing day… I am enjoying my boys and trying not to “break” my wild ride of a life! It’s all good! Because God is good… all the time! Even when I’m not noticing it!
I will do this photo shoot next week with confidence… my house is clean enough, my art is good enough, my personality is good enough, my studio is organized enough, my kids are good enough and I am strong enough to do this!
Okay… after reading through what I just hammered out… it doesn’t sound as together as I thought when my fingers were flying a long the keys. But you know what? I am going to go with it.
It’ll be part of my new security pattern.
Yea. I’m secure and confident in what I have to say now.
alright now… I’ll see ya.
(note to self: you have a gift)
Yes. I do.
Go to my art website and see my miniatures and other artwork!